How do I find the right Therapist or Provider, as a Loved One
If you’re a loved one or ally, it’s ok and healthy to seek support to process feelings and emotions around learning that someone you know and love experienced sexual abuse as a child.
Individual therapy can be a valuable part of the healing journey for loved ones, just as it is for survivors. We have found that loved ones who commit to individual therapy and regularly attend their Wings Loved Ones Support Group make the most remarkable progress in healing.
You might find a therapist through their own private practice, or you might find a therapist by going to an agency that employs therapists as part of their staff. Some people find a therapist through their health insurance or an Employee Assistance Program. However you find a therapist, it’s important to find a fit that feels good to you. When you are addressing difficult issues like childhood sexual abuse, even as a loved one, it may be uncomfortable at times, and the relationship with your therapist should feel safe and supportive.
If researching therapists who have a private practice:
Many therapists will offer an initial session for free (make sure to ask about this!) This is the chance for both of you to get to know each other. You may decide a specific therapist is not a good fit, or they may determine that they are not a good match to meet your needs.
If a therapist is not a good fit for any reason, it’s not your fault. Therapists have different styles and specialties. Not every therapist is trained in the complex dynamics of childhood sexual abuse and the ways it impacts adults. Or they might not have the background, training and values that align with your needs. Working with the wrong therapist will be unproductive, and it’s always worth the effort to find someone who’s right for you.
If researching therapists through organizations or agencies (such as a mental health or sexual assault center):
Many of these same considerations will still apply. The questions you may ask may include the individual professional you will be working with and/or the agency overall. Be empowered to do your homework and be willing to do a few discovery calls or consultations to determine the therapist and/or agency that will be best for your needs.
“Being the loved one of a survivor, you can sometimes feel alone because you may not know a lot of other people who share this same experience. The more I learned, though, the more I understood what my partner was going through. Understanding their triggers, the things they were actually dealing with – helped me have more compassion and patience for their process.” – Wings Support Group Member, Loved One
Finding the right therapist for individual trauma recovery support can take a lot of time and emotional energy, and you don’t have to do it alone. Wings is here to help you! You can schedule a call with a Survivor Services Navigator (even as a loved one) to receive personalized referrals to qualified practitioners in your area. It may also be helpful to consider the following topics and questions, as you do your own research on who to work with.
Schedule a Call with WingsIdentity, culture, and personality
Many therapists are trained and comfortable working with people of all different identities and cultures. You may prefer to work with a therapist who shares certain parts of their identity with you. Or you may want to ensure a therapist has specific training and experience working with certain identities.
Here are some factors that may be important to you: Race or culture, age, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, neurodivergence (like autism, ADHD, Tourette’s, Epilepsy, and other conditions), and spiritual beliefs.
- What is your experience working with survivors and loved ones of color? (Latina, Black, Native American, Asian or Asian American, Native Hawaiin or Other Pacific Islander, etc. clients?)
- What do you think is important when working with people who are from communities of color as opposed to other groups?
- What is your experience working with survivors and loved ones of sexual trauma who identify as LGBTQIA+?
- What values do you hold for working with this group?
- How can I expect your services to be tailored to my needs?
- What is your experience working with male survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their loved ones?
- Are there differences in male survivors from others? If so, what are they? How would these differences change how you work with me?
- What is your experience working with survivors who have disabilities and their loved ones?
- What is your experience working with loved ones of survivors who have disabilities?
- Is your office accessible; is your website accessible?
- What is your experience working with survivors who were sexually abused in their families and their loved ones?
- Are you clear to support the survivor in this situation? Are you willing to work with other family members if the survivor wants to involve them in their healing process? How do you typically do this?
- What information do you have to support me as a loved one in this situation?
Who can prescribe medication?
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor (M.D.) who specializes in mental illness. This is the primary type of provider who can prescribe medication for mental health conditions. Some psychiatrists will see patients for therapy and others will prescribe and monitor psychiatric medications while the patient sees someone else for therapy.
All medical doctors (M.D.) can prescribe medications, although if the M.D. is not a Psychiatrist, it is important to ask about their training in mental/behavioral health.
In Colorado, some advanced practice nurses with prescriptive authority (APN RXN) can prescribe medication. Nurses who have advanced training in mental/behavioral health are called Clinical Nurse Specialists. It is best if a nurse prescribing medication for mental health conditions has both advanced specialties.
What questions should I ask to determine a good fit?
The following may be questions you want to ask over the phone or in an initial session to help you find a therapist/agency who will be a good fit for you. Click on each question to see more information.
Many therapists do not receive adequate training working with trauma, and even fewer have experience working with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their loved ones. You may want to follow up by asking about whether they’ve worked with clients with your specific experience – abuse in the family, in a religious setting, men who were abused by women, etc. – as referenced above.
Answers might include evidence-based trauma-focused therapies including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Cognitive Therapy, Prolonged Exposure, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET), Brief Eclectic Psychotherapy, and some Medications. Many therapists will also describe how they approach deciding what to work on with you and when, how they will interact with you, what they expect in terms of homework or work you can do outside of therapy sessions and how you should get support between sessions.
You can find descriptions developed by the American Psychological Association here.
Alternative therapies that survivors have found to be beneficial include but are not limited to Somatic Experience Therapy, Art Therapy, music Therapy, bodywork, yoga, nutrition guidance, support groups, and traditional indigenous or faith-based healers.
Therapy can be expensive. We recommend asking these follow-up questions to determine whether this therapist can meet your needs.
- What insurances do you accept?
- Is there a fee for the initial session?
- What does a regular appointment cost? Do you offer free services or a sliding scale?
Many communities have a sexual assault or rape crisis center and services may be available free or low cost at these centers. Due to high demand, this may come with a waitlist. You can inquire about the length of wait and determine if this is workable for you. You may want to identify yourself as a “secondary victim/survivor’ or a loved one of a survivor.
Local Community Mental Health Centers often have services available on sliding scales based on income. Ask if they have therapists trained in treating trauma and adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their loved ones. Wings can help with referrals to low-cost services.
- Do you have a waitlist? How long is it? How long would I expect to wait?
- What are your typical availability hours? Are you available for emergency phone calls and appointments?
- How do you set goals with your clients and assess progress toward these goals?
- Do you think inappropriate sexual activity with a child is always damaging?
- Do you think survivors always need to be believed?
- How do you approach treating developmental trauma?
- What role, if any, do you think forgiveness plays in the healing process?