Is what happened to me abuse?
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Childhood sexual abuse occurs when a child’s physical or emotional self is violated through sexual actions by an older child or adult, regardless of their relationship or difference in age. Abuse can look a lot of different ways, and it can sometimes be difficult for adult survivors to understand that what happened to them was childhood sexual abuse.
If you are just beginning to look at experiences in your life that may have included sexual abuse in childhood, a lot of emotions may be coming up for you. You may feel scared, confused, angry, or overwhelmed. These emotions are common, and support is available for you.
Many people may wonder if the specific thing(s) that happened to them as children were abusive? For those who may wish to see descriptions of actions that fall in this category, you can click on the links below.
Content warning: Please be aware that descriptions of sexually abusive behaviors that may be traumatic are included here. They may be triggering or difficult to think about. Please decide to view this material with care for your tolerance for this type of material.
Sexual abuse can involve physical touch, but touch is not required for abuse to occur. Childhood sexual abuse may include, but is not limited to, the following behaviors:
- sexual innuendo or lewd comments
- penetration of a child, another person or abuser
- exposure to sexually explicit material, such as pornography or photos
- sex trafficking or sexual servitude
- touching or stimulating a child, another person, or an abuser
- indecent exposure
- using a child in sexual abuse images or videos
- oral sexual stimulation
- using objects to stimulate or penetrate a child
- any sexual acts on a child, abuser, others or animals
- Looking at children for sexual stimulation
Children of all genders can be sexually abused. 1 in 5 people experience some type of sexual abuse before they turn 18. This includes 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys. People who have non-binary gender identities are at even greater risk for sexual abuse. People of all genders can also be abusers, with women committing approximately 20% of child sex offenses and men committing the vast majority.
Children cannot consent to sexual activities. Abuse is never the child’s fault, and a child can never ask for or make someone abuse them. Childhood sexual abuse represents an abuse of power where an adult or older child uses their power to violate and harm an individual’s voice, autonomy, sense of self and bodily integrity. Sometimes this happens by direct force, but most often by manipulation, coercion or grooming, which makes it very hard for the child to understand what is happening.
90% of abuse happens by someone the child knows and trusts. An abuser may build trust over time through gift-giving, special privileges, or paying special attention to the child, then taking advantage of the child in ways that manipulate their trust. This is called grooming. The betrayal of trust is a relational trauma and often impacts relationships in adulthood.
About 60% of childhood sexual abuse happens within the family, including abuse from parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles/aunts or other relatives. Abuse within the family is most likely to remain secret and cause the most devastating impacts of trauma since children are unable to get protective support from those closest to them.
If a survivor was abused within their family, they need specialized support that accounts for the complex dynamics that often accompany intra-familial sexual abuse or incest. Wings was founded with this knowledge. If you were abused within the family, you can find more information here.
Typically, when an adolescent or teen is sexually assaulted by a peer or someone with whom they are in a relationship, it is considered sexual assault rather than childhood sexual abuse. This is because teens can consent to sexual activity with peers when they choose to do so.
Sexual assault is usually the term used when someone takes sex from a person who could consent but has not consented. Teens cannot consent to sexual activity with adults, people in positions of trust, or with teens much older than they are. These actions would still be considered sexual abuse.
Acknowledging what happened
Acknowledging the reality of abuse can be difficult, and it’s okay to feel hurt and even scared if this happened to you. If you are unsure whether you were sexually abused, it is okay not to know. You can talk with someone at Wings or with a therapist if you want to figure this out. It is also okay to sit with your uncertainty. Sometimes, things may become clearer over time.
Whether you are questioning or sure you were sexually abused in childhood, you are not alone. Wings is here for you. There is an entire community of people healing from this trauma.
Many survivors find that realizing the truth of what happened long ago is an important step in their healing journey today. Acknowledging abuse can be both painful and a relief to finally gain insight into other challenges you may be facing in life.
Take your time with this process and remember that you are not alone. Wings is here to help. If you need a pause, we invite you to explore our coping resources. If you feel you are in crisis, access immediate support.
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